The Process of Recovery

I AM BACK.

I haven't blogged in ages and I feel kinda bad about it because I enjoy it, so why haven't I been doing it?

Well, the reason is, lately I've been a little ill. My depression and anxiety came back with a vengeance in January (not fun) which means that I had to postpone my January exams after having a panic attack in my Organic Chemistry exam (definitely not fun). So you could say the last couple of months haven't been too great, but I think I'm starting to move forward a little and come up with more effective ways of coping, ie. wine does not work, however good it tastes. I think I'll write a blog post soon on how I've come up with these ideas and basically my experience in recovery and what works for me and what doesn't.

It's currently the Easter holidays, (or vacation as my Uni calls it - eugh) and so I have a little more time to start writing again and share more science-y things. I've also realised since I stopped blogging for a while, just how useful and beneficial it is to me and to my health. Having a little rant about something and distracting yourself from your own mind is a good thing sometimes. :)

Difficult Decisions

When I first applied for University, I wanted to do a year in Industry as I thought this would help improve my employability prospects and make me stand out. I'm now in my second year and have been preparing to send applications to companies etc. However, no matter hard I try, I can't quite find it in me to send them. It has been overwhelming (and not in a good way).

In the last few days, something has dawned on me. I'm not cut out for this and it's just not for me. This has knocked me sideways as I've always been the kind of student who has 'succeeded' at everything and given things a try even if I didn't really want to because I knew it would be good for me in the long run. Now this has come along and a multitude of factors is making me dread my year in Industry. Recently my mental health hasn't been tip-top so I'm really worried about spending a year alone in a random place with no one to go home to cry to (really). Also, I've realised that I actually kind of don't want to do this. It's an entire year of my life that I will be spending doing research and development or some other activity. A year is a long time and seeing as I'm unsure whether I want to do it right now, what happens if I have to spend an entire year there and I hate it? 

I'm still really confused as to whether I should move 'down' on to the straight MChem course and so I've written some lists of pros and cons:

Pros of staying on the Industry course

• Return to Uni in fourth year with more lab experience
• Be more employable
• A year free of exams 
• It looks good on my CV

Cons of staying on the Industry course

• I don't really want to do it
• My mental health isn't that great at the moment
• The stress of actually applying
• Having to complete uni modules whilst working 9-5 at a company

Looking at these lists it's almost clear to me what decision to make, however being told I can 'move down' to the straight MChem course is something that I don't like to hear. People treat it like I would be taking a step backwards and be less of a successful scientist and I don't know if I can take that idea, as I've always been the kind of student who has been good. I've always been the best, and I don't quite know how to cope with not being the best and not succeeding at something. I can't quite grasp the idea that maybe this course is not for me, because I've never experienced that before and I suppose I'd feel a bit like a failure.


Any advice is appreciated, as I'm sure you'll guess, I'm a little clueless.

Having the Passion to Succeed

I've discovered in the last year that to truly be successful at what you do, exam grades and tests are not the most important thing. Sure, they may have an effect on what courses you can apply for, but there is something way more powerful than exam scores.

At the end of my first year of University, I had to achieve a 60% average in my core modules. I scraped through with 62.5%, not my proudest moment, especially as I didn't actually achieve anything higher than a 2:2 in any of my summer exams. I was actually surprised by my own reaction to this. If it had been a couple of years ago at A-level, I probably would have had a meltdown and cried. Instead, I simply planned how to improve and how to win over companies that I would be applying to the following year. At this moment in time, I don't have the greatest exam record at Uni, my results are nothing special, but I intend to make them so. I have passion.

My passion for my subject is what drives me to do well and succeed. I'm not the kind of student who gets by by doing the bare minimum and although my results aren't the greatest, my love for my subject extends beyond the boundaries of the syllabus. I go out and meet people, network and share my excitement with other people and in a way, I think that makes me more of a scientists than amazing grades do. I love attending events where I get to meet fellow scientists, learn something new and be part of it all. Learning is my favourite thing. I spend hours in the library, not because I have to but because I want to and one day I will be where I want to be.

I may not be the most intelligent person on my course, but I am the most passionate and I will never give up. Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Science Jewellery

I'm currently queueing my next set of blog posts and honouring my love for chemistry at the same time.

If you want your own piece of science-y jewellery goodness, visit Made with Molecules. Some of their jewellery is absolutely gorgeous and you can pick which molecule you want including serotonin (which I chose), caffeine, oxytocin etc.

They're beautiful and I pretty much want all of them. They are perfect for a girly scientist like me.

New Adventures

I have exciting news. From now on I will still try to blog regularly, however I have new ventures that I am about to embark upon.

I recently met the Creative Director of an organisation called Social Sheffield. After being spotted on twitter, I was asked to meet up with them to discuss how they could support my aims and passions. Social Sheffield have their own site, where they advertise events and activities going on in the Sheffield area. They also support restaurants, bars etc and have Food, Culture and Music twitter accounts covering all kinds of entertainment and events. Recently, they have been wanting to set up an Education section, where educational activities can be posted in the hope that the people of Sheffield will be more drawn in to going to these kind of events. Anyway, I met up with Social Sheffield and I will now be tweeting from their Education account as well as my own personal account. They have offered to let me be their Education Editor and hopefully in due course I will be able to write articles for their online magazine which is currently under maintenance. 

It's all very exciting and has happened so quickly. I can only hope that I'm good at it and who knows where this could lead? :-)

My Social Sheffield Twitter

The Social Sheffield Twitter