Difficult Decisions

When I first applied for University, I wanted to do a year in Industry as I thought this would help improve my employability prospects and make me stand out. I'm now in my second year and have been preparing to send applications to companies etc. However, no matter hard I try, I can't quite find it in me to send them. It has been overwhelming (and not in a good way).

In the last few days, something has dawned on me. I'm not cut out for this and it's just not for me. This has knocked me sideways as I've always been the kind of student who has 'succeeded' at everything and given things a try even if I didn't really want to because I knew it would be good for me in the long run. Now this has come along and a multitude of factors is making me dread my year in Industry. Recently my mental health hasn't been tip-top so I'm really worried about spending a year alone in a random place with no one to go home to cry to (really). Also, I've realised that I actually kind of don't want to do this. It's an entire year of my life that I will be spending doing research and development or some other activity. A year is a long time and seeing as I'm unsure whether I want to do it right now, what happens if I have to spend an entire year there and I hate it? 

I'm still really confused as to whether I should move 'down' on to the straight MChem course and so I've written some lists of pros and cons:

Pros of staying on the Industry course

• Return to Uni in fourth year with more lab experience
• Be more employable
• A year free of exams 
• It looks good on my CV

Cons of staying on the Industry course

• I don't really want to do it
• My mental health isn't that great at the moment
• The stress of actually applying
• Having to complete uni modules whilst working 9-5 at a company

Looking at these lists it's almost clear to me what decision to make, however being told I can 'move down' to the straight MChem course is something that I don't like to hear. People treat it like I would be taking a step backwards and be less of a successful scientist and I don't know if I can take that idea, as I've always been the kind of student who has been good. I've always been the best, and I don't quite know how to cope with not being the best and not succeeding at something. I can't quite grasp the idea that maybe this course is not for me, because I've never experienced that before and I suppose I'd feel a bit like a failure.


Any advice is appreciated, as I'm sure you'll guess, I'm a little clueless.

Having the Passion to Succeed

I've discovered in the last year that to truly be successful at what you do, exam grades and tests are not the most important thing. Sure, they may have an effect on what courses you can apply for, but there is something way more powerful than exam scores.

At the end of my first year of University, I had to achieve a 60% average in my core modules. I scraped through with 62.5%, not my proudest moment, especially as I didn't actually achieve anything higher than a 2:2 in any of my summer exams. I was actually surprised by my own reaction to this. If it had been a couple of years ago at A-level, I probably would have had a meltdown and cried. Instead, I simply planned how to improve and how to win over companies that I would be applying to the following year. At this moment in time, I don't have the greatest exam record at Uni, my results are nothing special, but I intend to make them so. I have passion.

My passion for my subject is what drives me to do well and succeed. I'm not the kind of student who gets by by doing the bare minimum and although my results aren't the greatest, my love for my subject extends beyond the boundaries of the syllabus. I go out and meet people, network and share my excitement with other people and in a way, I think that makes me more of a scientists than amazing grades do. I love attending events where I get to meet fellow scientists, learn something new and be part of it all. Learning is my favourite thing. I spend hours in the library, not because I have to but because I want to and one day I will be where I want to be.

I may not be the most intelligent person on my course, but I am the most passionate and I will never give up. Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Useful Books for Undergraduate Chemistry Students

I love books, like really love books. If you're starting University and studying the physical sciences, I've devised a list of books that may be useful in your first year of University. Every Uni has their own list of recommended reading but obviously not all lists will contain the same books, so I've taken some books that my department recommended and some I discovered myself, that have been really helpful/interesting, so I hope this is of some use if you want to get some books together before starting your course. :-)

• This book is awesome. It may say that it's for A level Chemistry, but it's full of exercises and calculations that cover all aspects of Chemistry. It's really good for revising your maths skills and working through problems. It also has example problems at the beginning of each chapter so you know how to calculate the answers yourself and it's just really useful if you want to revise answering calculation questions. You can buy it here: Calculations for A-level Chemistry

• Another Maths book specifically for those undergraduate students studying the chemical sciences without having done A level maths. Again, example problems are given and it covers everything you will cover in your first year maths catch-up lectures. Covers lots of different topics such as differentiation, integration and matrices. You can buy it here: Maths for Chemistry

• Oxford Chemistry Primers are really helpful. They are small books each focussing on a specific topic in Chemistry and will contain some information that may not be given to you in lectures. They're really good for outside reading, are concise and informative and on the whole, easy to understand. I didn't buy before starting my first year and I really wish I had because generally, the University library will only have a few copies of each and they are really good! I've recently invested in a few to begin my second year and plan on taking them on holiday with me to begin some pre-Uni reading. Just search for Oxford Chemistry Primers on Amazon and there are tonnes of them. Some are more expensive than others and I'm unsure why, but I think I got mine for about a penny each. You can't go wrong. 
  

• Who says all educational books have to be text books? If you're studying a subject like chemistry, one topic you will cover in your first year will be the structure of atoms and quantum mechanics. It's difficult to get your head around at first because it's like nothing you've ever encountered before and it always reminds me of the famous quote: "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics." This is where Brian Greene comes in. 'The Fabric of the Cosmos' is a brilliant book. It really helped me understand quantum mechanics, probability and Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. It's also really good if you're interested in concepts such as time and space etc. Amazon have it here: Fabric of the Cosmos 

There are so many useful books out there to aid you in your university course and don't be afraid to try those that aren't textbooks; sometimes they're more helpful as they have a more personal approach and examples you can relate to. :-)

The downfalls of being indecisive

I am a very indecisive person, I always have been. So much so, that my family shout at me because I take so long to choose food in a restaurant. This indecisiveness is not helping the fact that I need to start looking at companies to do my third year placement at.

My course is 'MChem Chemistry with a year in Industry', so in third year I spend my time at a chemical company and I work for them for an entire year. The first issue to tackle was the sector of chemistry I wanted to go into. I enjoy inorganic and organic chemistry the most but my grades in inorganic have been higher, so I decided I wanted to go into inorganic to explore a little more about the things that have interested me, such as transition metal complexes and colour chemistry. I like the fact you're guaranteed to have pretty coloured products in inorganic, as childish as that sounds and I also really love inorganic labs at Uni.

My exam results really haven't been the greatest and I know I could have done better, however I've had a pretty tough year with being diagnosed with depression and bereavements etc. so I was quite happy to finish first year with a 2:1. This is pretty much the minimum to be able to get an industry placement so I'm quite nervous that I'm not going to be good enough. All I can do is smash it next year.

Recently, I've been looking into companies to apply to and at this moment in time, just thinking about it makes me anxious and nauseous. On one hand I can't imagine living on my own for a year away from everyone else at Uni, but at the same time I am secretly excited (just a minute bit though). I want to go somewhere I'll really love; after all, I will be working 9am-5pm, five days a week. The worst part is having to have an idea of where I want to work by September as I need to start applying, but at the moment, I'm totally not ready for this.