The Process of Recovery

I AM BACK.

I haven't blogged in ages and I feel kinda bad about it because I enjoy it, so why haven't I been doing it?

Well, the reason is, lately I've been a little ill. My depression and anxiety came back with a vengeance in January (not fun) which means that I had to postpone my January exams after having a panic attack in my Organic Chemistry exam (definitely not fun). So you could say the last couple of months haven't been too great, but I think I'm starting to move forward a little and come up with more effective ways of coping, ie. wine does not work, however good it tastes. I think I'll write a blog post soon on how I've come up with these ideas and basically my experience in recovery and what works for me and what doesn't.

It's currently the Easter holidays, (or vacation as my Uni calls it - eugh) and so I have a little more time to start writing again and share more science-y things. I've also realised since I stopped blogging for a while, just how useful and beneficial it is to me and to my health. Having a little rant about something and distracting yourself from your own mind is a good thing sometimes. :)

Exciting things to come!

I haven't written a blog post in almost a month which is very unlike me, so I thought I would update you on what is happening in my bubble.

I've got some really exciting events coming up, thanks to Fran at Social Sheffield. - We're going to TedX Sheffield where there are going to be some amazing speakers (I've already been researching and googling them), then the week after I'm attending an event here in Sheffield called 'Celebrating Modern Feminism' hosted by Laura Bates, who is the founder of the Everyday Sexism Project. Fingers crossed that because we have press passes, we may get to do a quick interview with her. (It's a feminists dream!).

Also coming up is the Stemettes Hackathon this weekend, which I am volunteering at. I got a press pass for the event, but the Stemettes kindly Dm'ed me on Twitter and asked me if I want to volunteer as well, which is lovely of them. I'm excited to throw myself into the world of code, it'll be fun to learn something new!

Uni wise, revision has begun.

I REPEAT. REVISION HAS BEGUN. 

It's that time already. I feel as if I've been back for five minutes but it's only 2 months until exams and this year I'm determined to ace them. I can do it! :-)

Difficult Decisions

When I first applied for University, I wanted to do a year in Industry as I thought this would help improve my employability prospects and make me stand out. I'm now in my second year and have been preparing to send applications to companies etc. However, no matter hard I try, I can't quite find it in me to send them. It has been overwhelming (and not in a good way).

In the last few days, something has dawned on me. I'm not cut out for this and it's just not for me. This has knocked me sideways as I've always been the kind of student who has 'succeeded' at everything and given things a try even if I didn't really want to because I knew it would be good for me in the long run. Now this has come along and a multitude of factors is making me dread my year in Industry. Recently my mental health hasn't been tip-top so I'm really worried about spending a year alone in a random place with no one to go home to cry to (really). Also, I've realised that I actually kind of don't want to do this. It's an entire year of my life that I will be spending doing research and development or some other activity. A year is a long time and seeing as I'm unsure whether I want to do it right now, what happens if I have to spend an entire year there and I hate it? 

I'm still really confused as to whether I should move 'down' on to the straight MChem course and so I've written some lists of pros and cons:

Pros of staying on the Industry course

• Return to Uni in fourth year with more lab experience
• Be more employable
• A year free of exams 
• It looks good on my CV

Cons of staying on the Industry course

• I don't really want to do it
• My mental health isn't that great at the moment
• The stress of actually applying
• Having to complete uni modules whilst working 9-5 at a company

Looking at these lists it's almost clear to me what decision to make, however being told I can 'move down' to the straight MChem course is something that I don't like to hear. People treat it like I would be taking a step backwards and be less of a successful scientist and I don't know if I can take that idea, as I've always been the kind of student who has been good. I've always been the best, and I don't quite know how to cope with not being the best and not succeeding at something. I can't quite grasp the idea that maybe this course is not for me, because I've never experienced that before and I suppose I'd feel a bit like a failure.


Any advice is appreciated, as I'm sure you'll guess, I'm a little clueless.

Having the Passion to Succeed

I've discovered in the last year that to truly be successful at what you do, exam grades and tests are not the most important thing. Sure, they may have an effect on what courses you can apply for, but there is something way more powerful than exam scores.

At the end of my first year of University, I had to achieve a 60% average in my core modules. I scraped through with 62.5%, not my proudest moment, especially as I didn't actually achieve anything higher than a 2:2 in any of my summer exams. I was actually surprised by my own reaction to this. If it had been a couple of years ago at A-level, I probably would have had a meltdown and cried. Instead, I simply planned how to improve and how to win over companies that I would be applying to the following year. At this moment in time, I don't have the greatest exam record at Uni, my results are nothing special, but I intend to make them so. I have passion.

My passion for my subject is what drives me to do well and succeed. I'm not the kind of student who gets by by doing the bare minimum and although my results aren't the greatest, my love for my subject extends beyond the boundaries of the syllabus. I go out and meet people, network and share my excitement with other people and in a way, I think that makes me more of a scientists than amazing grades do. I love attending events where I get to meet fellow scientists, learn something new and be part of it all. Learning is my favourite thing. I spend hours in the library, not because I have to but because I want to and one day I will be where I want to be.

I may not be the most intelligent person on my course, but I am the most passionate and I will never give up. Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Standing Out

As part of my degree course, I spend a year out in Industry doing research and completing my own projects. After this, I return to Uni for a year where I have to give a presentation and write a report on my experience. Obviously part of the terrifying preparation for this, apart from attending multiple meetings and careers events, is writing a CV.

CVs are difficult to write, especially today because there are less jobs available and hence less work experience for you to actually put on your CV. It's a vicious cycle. I spent my first year trying to compile a list of things that I could put on my CV and make me stand out from the crowd and help convey my passion for my subject. Here are my tips for students on how to write an awesome CV:

 

(This is kind of focussed around my CV as a science student, however you can tweak it accordingly to fit your subject if needed)

1. An Amazing Introduction - This really needs to grab the reader's attention and show them why you want the job and why you're passionate. Simply stating that you need and job and you have good people skills isn't going to make you look amazing. You want to be remembered. Make sure your personal statement isn't too long, you need to leave room for the bulk of your CV. To write this section, I basically pretended I was writing my UCAS personal statement again and then shortened it and made it more specific to the job market rather than University. 
2. Work Experience - If you don't have any work experience, try volunteering as it's really good to put on your CV as it shows you've taken time out of your own life to help someone else. Where relevant, try and link your work experience to skills that you may need in the position you're applying for or to the job itself. e.g. I worked at a hair salon for two years and I linked this to working with chemicals when writing my own CV.
3. Education - When writing my CV in preparation of applying for placements, I didn't list all my GCSEs (as they sometimes tell you to at school). It wastes space and after all, they know I passed my GCSEs, I'm at Uni. Simply saying that you have grades in Maths, English and Science is enough. I did however list my A-level grades as they're a bit more recent. You can also put in Uni module grades if you have them. 
4. Interests - I think this is quite a hard one as you don't want to make it the bulk of your CV, however you shouldn't really just put that you like 'reading' or 'going out with friends'. Try and expand on it and say what you are truly interested in. This part doesn't have to link back to the job role as it's an extension of your personality and should reflect the type of person you are.Try and make it personal (but not too personal y'know) e.g. My CV contains my own interests which I have listed as drawing, particularly hyperrealism and portraits. I also mention that I am interested in SciComm and therefore have joined ScienceGrrl, I am a STEM ambassador and I write a blog to discuss topics that interest me. 

Last-minute tips

• Try to make your CV a representation of you and your passion, don't try to make it like everyone else's. 
• Don't base your CV on ones you find on the internet. It's fine to look at layout, but you might be tempted to copy parts of it that maybe don't really apply to you or the kind of work you want
• Spell check it. Otherwise it's probably a little embarrassing.
• Keep it updated. If you do something interesting related to your subject write it down and remember it. You'll probably find that you have a lot more to write on your CV than you initially thought. 
• Keep a good relationship with your referees and ask them before putting their details on your CV, it's a bit rude if you don't. 

What's it like to be in the Lab?

With so many people starting University soon I thought I would share what a typical day at Uni is like for me. Recently quite a few people have asked me 'What do you actually do, Gina?' So here, I'll talk you through what happens in a first year lab.

With no thanks to popular culture, people often think that as chemists we make a lot of meth. That's only partially true*. Being in the lab is nothing like cooking with Walt, although the technicians are just as fixated on health and safety as him. That's the first thing you learn, before you're even allowed anywhere near the lab is health and safety. *Cue 10 year old Powerpoint with images of horrific scarring*. Being in the lab is dangerous and potentially lethal, which kind of makes it fun, but let's face it, no one wants to be stripped and put under the emergency shower in the corner of the room. 

Preparation for labs can be quite dull with quizzes and questions to answer and research to do, however they're really valuable and I can't imagine going into the lab not knowing what to do, especially because my first year lab teacher was incredibly intimidating when he wanted to be. 

In first year, our lab sessions began at 10.00am and finished at 4.00pm, which seems like a really long time to be stood in the same room, however as soon as you begin a science degree you learn that nothing in science is ever 'quick'. Experiments are time-consuming and sometimes there is nothing to do but wait around for the rotary evaporator to finish, but in general those six hours were spent rushed off our feet. Usually, there is something that can be done. I've discovered that organic labs are possibly the worst simply because there is so much to do in such a short space of time, however the write-ups are fairly easy and vice-versa with physical chemistry labs. 

Setting up glassware and finding missing glassware occupies the first ten minutes of labs, you learn that people never put things back in the right place. In my first year we got a lab manual which had instructions, we simply had to follow these instructions and were expected to think about the chemistry behind the experiment and why we were doing it. Labs always link to something you're learning or will learn so having the practical application of what you're taught in lectures helps you learn and improve your skills. We have PhD students who help us with the experiments and give us advice. A lot of time is spent talking to them in the hope that they pass their wisdom onto you; they're like majestic chemistry unicorns, always there to save the day. 

Undergraduate labs are so different to being at school, you get to play around with loads of cool new equipment and machines, things you'd previously never heard of and are worth thousands of pounds. Learning to use a rotary evaporator is one of those skills that once you've mastered you feel like a proper chemist. IF YOU CAN USE A ROTARY EVAPORATOR, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. Well, you feel that way. It's just fun to learn how to use equipment you'd previously only seen on TV. Also, there's always a sense of panic in the room when you're using a dangerous chemical for the first time. It's thrilling yet terrifying to know that you are handling something that has the power to kill you and when you use it successfully without killing anyone you feel a great sense of achievement. I was absolutely terrified the first time I used chlorine gas in the lab, but I've learnt that handling potential dangerous gases and compounds is all part of being a competent chemist. Plus I love going home to my flatmates and telling them that I worked with a chemical warfare agent. 

Here's my tips/advice if you're starting a Uni course that involves labs:

1. Always wear safety glasses or you will get shouted at.
2. Don't worry about getting your lab coat dirty, you look more experienced if it's covered in substances. Although you probably should wash it at some point.
3. Make use of PhD students/Older students/Technicians, they know lots of valuable stuff, and sometimes they might tell you the answer ;)
4. Your feet WILL ache after standing up for so long. After a lab go home, put your pyjamas on, make a cup of tea and mentally recover from what's just happened to you. 

Also useful is my Surviving the First year of Uni post I wrote a while ago. 

*I'm joking, obviously.

Useful Books for Undergraduate Chemistry Students

I love books, like really love books. If you're starting University and studying the physical sciences, I've devised a list of books that may be useful in your first year of University. Every Uni has their own list of recommended reading but obviously not all lists will contain the same books, so I've taken some books that my department recommended and some I discovered myself, that have been really helpful/interesting, so I hope this is of some use if you want to get some books together before starting your course. :-)

• This book is awesome. It may say that it's for A level Chemistry, but it's full of exercises and calculations that cover all aspects of Chemistry. It's really good for revising your maths skills and working through problems. It also has example problems at the beginning of each chapter so you know how to calculate the answers yourself and it's just really useful if you want to revise answering calculation questions. You can buy it here: Calculations for A-level Chemistry

• Another Maths book specifically for those undergraduate students studying the chemical sciences without having done A level maths. Again, example problems are given and it covers everything you will cover in your first year maths catch-up lectures. Covers lots of different topics such as differentiation, integration and matrices. You can buy it here: Maths for Chemistry

• Oxford Chemistry Primers are really helpful. They are small books each focussing on a specific topic in Chemistry and will contain some information that may not be given to you in lectures. They're really good for outside reading, are concise and informative and on the whole, easy to understand. I didn't buy before starting my first year and I really wish I had because generally, the University library will only have a few copies of each and they are really good! I've recently invested in a few to begin my second year and plan on taking them on holiday with me to begin some pre-Uni reading. Just search for Oxford Chemistry Primers on Amazon and there are tonnes of them. Some are more expensive than others and I'm unsure why, but I think I got mine for about a penny each. You can't go wrong. 
  

• Who says all educational books have to be text books? If you're studying a subject like chemistry, one topic you will cover in your first year will be the structure of atoms and quantum mechanics. It's difficult to get your head around at first because it's like nothing you've ever encountered before and it always reminds me of the famous quote: "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics." This is where Brian Greene comes in. 'The Fabric of the Cosmos' is a brilliant book. It really helped me understand quantum mechanics, probability and Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. It's also really good if you're interested in concepts such as time and space etc. Amazon have it here: Fabric of the Cosmos 

There are so many useful books out there to aid you in your university course and don't be afraid to try those that aren't textbooks; sometimes they're more helpful as they have a more personal approach and examples you can relate to. :-)

The downfalls of being indecisive

I am a very indecisive person, I always have been. So much so, that my family shout at me because I take so long to choose food in a restaurant. This indecisiveness is not helping the fact that I need to start looking at companies to do my third year placement at.

My course is 'MChem Chemistry with a year in Industry', so in third year I spend my time at a chemical company and I work for them for an entire year. The first issue to tackle was the sector of chemistry I wanted to go into. I enjoy inorganic and organic chemistry the most but my grades in inorganic have been higher, so I decided I wanted to go into inorganic to explore a little more about the things that have interested me, such as transition metal complexes and colour chemistry. I like the fact you're guaranteed to have pretty coloured products in inorganic, as childish as that sounds and I also really love inorganic labs at Uni.

My exam results really haven't been the greatest and I know I could have done better, however I've had a pretty tough year with being diagnosed with depression and bereavements etc. so I was quite happy to finish first year with a 2:1. This is pretty much the minimum to be able to get an industry placement so I'm quite nervous that I'm not going to be good enough. All I can do is smash it next year.

Recently, I've been looking into companies to apply to and at this moment in time, just thinking about it makes me anxious and nauseous. On one hand I can't imagine living on my own for a year away from everyone else at Uni, but at the same time I am secretly excited (just a minute bit though). I want to go somewhere I'll really love; after all, I will be working 9am-5pm, five days a week. The worst part is having to have an idea of where I want to work by September as I need to start applying, but at the moment, I'm totally not ready for this.